Sentient Life Not Available via Email at Comcast

This email thread is classic Comcast. You have to read the whole thing.  In the interest of full disclosure: I have copied it word for word and made very few changes, except for flipping it so that it’s in chronological order top to bottom, removing some extraneous lines, deleting dire warnings from Comcast about not publishing their embarrassing emails, bolding some parts for emphasis, and changing the Comcast employee’s name to “Diane”.

Submitted to a help form at comcast.com:

I”ve just read that Comcast will provide a free coaxial a/b switch so that I can get my free local HD channels despite the digital transport adapter. If so, please tell me how to do this. Can one be delivered to my address or must I go to my local Comcast office?

Thanks-

Ken

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Dear Ken Stadden,

Thank you for contacting Comcast Cable.

Unfortunately, we are unable to assist you via the online forum.  Please call us at 1-800-COMCAST or 1-800-266-2278 so we can better assist you.

Thank you for choosing Comcast.

Sincerely,

Diane
Comcast Customer Care Specialist

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Dear Diane,

Please give me some practical reason, one human being to another, why this answer can’t be handled via email. Is it because you’re at some central part of Comcast and the phone system is set up to put me through to a local office, or what?  Just curious. It’s kind of frustrating to receive such a non-answer after I went to the trouble to fill out the form online.

Ken Stadden

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Dear Ken Stadden,

We apologize for the inconvenience you’ve experienced.

I am more than happy to assist you with this matter; however, I need a more detailed description of the issue you are facing. In order to obtain the information you need as soon as possible, please do the following:

* For general information, feature/equipment instructions, credit requests, duplicate bills, troubleshooting, etc., reply to this message with a detailed description of the information you need or the issue you are experiencing

* For account changes (add/remove services, update billing method, make a payment, update account information, etc.), please chat with us at http://www.comcastsupport.com/chat

Thank you – I know your time is important.

Thank you for choosing Comcast.

Sincerely,

Diane
Comcast Customer Care Specialist

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Diane,

Thanks for your recent reply. I had to take a few days off to think about it and collect my thoughts.

First of all, I was delighted to see that you reversed your initial advice to stop emailing you and just call instead. Now we’re getting somewhere.

Then I read your request for “a more detailed description of the issue you are facing,” without which you will not be able to proceed.

I’m sorry, but it’s hard for me to see this response as anything but a delaying tactic. I gave you a detailed description with my very first communication. Have you read it? It’s at the bottom of this thread.

OK, now that you scrolled to the bottom, read it, and returned here, I think you will agree that it’s quite clear. Well, no, at this point I am none too confident that you will. Therefore, I’ll paste it in here and add comments within square brackets to try to make it even clearer:

Message submitted to Comcast form [edited with comments]:

I’ve just read [in my local newspaper] that Comcast will provide a free coaxial a/b switch [you know what that is, right? If not, please Google] so that I can get my free local HD channels [such as the local NBC, ABC and CBS affiliates] despite the digital transport adapter […the gizmo that Comcast recently forced on us for our own good so as to free up the bandwidth from analog channels]. If so [in other words, if it is TRUE what I read in the paper], please tell me [via email] how to do this. Can one [one what? A FREE COAXIAL A/B SWITCH] be delivered to my address [U.S. mail, UPS, FedEx, carrier pigeon, I DON’T CARE] or must I go to my local Comcast office [burning irreplaceable fossil fuels and EVEN MORE OF MY TIME]?

Ken Stadden

P.S. Please don’t take the tirade personally; I know you’re just trying to do your job, but I think I’m actually starting to enjoy the absurdity of this.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Dear Ken Stadden,

We apologize for the inconvenience you’ve experienced.

Unfortunately, we are unable to assist you via the online forum.  Please call us at 1-800-COMCAST or 1-800-266-2278 so we can better assist you.

This is an automated response system.

Thank you for choosing Comcast.

Sincerely,

Diane
Comcast Customer Care Specialist

———————————-

Could I have taken this further? Sure. But my time actually is valuable (Diane got that right) and I think Diane’s third reply sufficiently illustrates how badly broken their online service is.

Obviously, Comcast pays lip service to providing customer service via email, since the form is on their site. Recommendation to Comcast: Provide a warning that emailing you is a waste of time, and that you will only take customers seriously in real time, on a phone line or a chat window.

Meanwhile, I still don’t have my A/B switch. I haven’t decided yet whether to call them, chat with them, or take a quarter-inch drill to my skull.

This entry was posted in Comcast, Rants, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Sentient Life Not Available via Email at Comcast

  1. Pingback: MacroBlog » Found: Sentient Life at Comcast

  2. Pingback: MacroBlog » Comcast Provides Free A/B Switch

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *